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A Broken heart is not depression

1/22/2013

4 Comments

 
I don't know why I am sharing this, but I think it's because I am so upset by it and need to get it out.
To
day I went for a physical, back to my old Dr. that I hadn't been to for about 5 years.
He asked all the typical questions, then he asked,"Do you have kids", "How many kids do you have", How old are they". I told him 2, and began crying and had to repeat twice because he couln'yt understand me through the sobs,   that my little boy went to heaven 2 years ago.  He asked what happened, I told him he had a brain tumor. He asked how I felt, I told him I was sad.
He types a few things into his computer and then he says to me, "Two years is a long time to still be grieving".  I told him, I will be sad and grieving for the rest of my life.
It was all I could do to not ask him if he had kids and ask how he would feel if it were his child.
Of course the first thing him and many others want to do is medicate and label it  depression. I am so tired of this being the go to. There is no remedy or pill for a broken heart, no pill that will bring Alec back, no pill that will make me less sad about Alec not being here in my arms.
This upset me so much, I don't know how I was able to control myself from telling him how I really felt, but I did. I do feel Alec was there with me as just being at the Dr. brought on anxiety on it's own.
I also share this so others understand that sadness and a broken heart are not the same as depression.
4 Comments
Nicole
1/22/2013 03:05:59 am

There is no pill for a broken heart. I Am really sorry you had such a bad experience today at the doctors. Hugs and lots of love, Nicole

Reply
Holly
1/22/2013 04:24:39 am

Laura,

I am so proud of you for getting through that (what must have been) horrible appointment. A part of me wishes you had told that doctor how you really felt, there needs to be understanding and shame on him for not having any. I wish there was a magic pill to heal yours, Keith's and Cassidy's broken hearts (and all of ours, for that matter, but especially for the three of you). We all feel so much love from and for Alec, that you are right, there will be sadness within you forever. I try to tell myself that the amount of sadness is because of how much love there was and always will be. Alec filled all of us with so much love...and laughter. The love and the memories and all you've done with this blog, is what's helping us. It's been your gift to us, and I thank you for that. Your strength has amazed me.

Love you,
Holly

Reply
Scott
1/22/2013 05:26:54 am

Laura there is no doctor out there that can tell u how you should feel, I'm proud of u 4 getting through that
Love axott

Reply
karla
1/28/2013 11:22:39 am

Laura, This doctor probably doesn't have children, and what he should have been taught in school is that everybody grieves differently and I don't believe that there is a greater loss than losing a child. That is not something you either just get over or medicate, it is a process and people go through that process differently and the length of time varies. You are a strong woman, who loves her children, and you are getting through this extremely difficult time with a lot of courage and grace.
love,
karla

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