Today I was a chaperone for Cassidy's field trip. When she told me that she was going on a field trip, my first question to her was can I chaperone, followed by dread. I have always loved being a part of Cassidy and Alec's school day and jumped at the chance to be a volunteer. But now, I still want to be part of Cassidy's school day, but it comes with the anxious uneasy feelings of being exposed and having to talk.
Cassidy preferred for Keith to go, but he didn't have a Cori form on file so he couldn't. Then she really wanted me to go, I told her only if she would sit with me on the bus so I wouldn't have to talk to a Mom I didn't know. She said no, but since I really did want to go and she actually wanted me to go I decided to.
Before we leave the school I meet a Mom who will be on the same bus, we chat, I tell her how last time we went to the Franklin Park Zoo I was scared because we had to go through Roxbury, she says that doesn't bother her because she lived in Dorchester. I told her My Mom lived there too for a bit but it was just off the highway so it wasn't too scary. She said she lived right off the highway too and says the name of the street and it's the same street...crazy I think....what are the chances of that.
We get on the bus and I liked her so I said want to sit together--- she seems safe enough, she says sure. Once everyone was on the bus, the seat behind us was empty and I started to feel anxious that she was going to ask the dreaded questions so I hopped in the empty seat behind her. After 45 min. I'm bored and getting sad thinking about Alec wondering if he was with me on this field trip, when the Mom in front of me asks me a question and explains why and tells me that her son passed away, I could not believe what I heard and I just said me too. She said she was so sorry and I told her I was so sorry too. We could not believe that here we were in this parent's worst nightmare together. I jumped back into her seat with her and I told her that I was sorry that I moved seats but I was afraid she would ask about my kids. Of course she understood. There is usually a bond that is instant for us Mom's because we are the only ones who truly understand a broken heart like this. We both felt that this was no coincidence that we met and were sitting here together. As we talked about our Boys, we discovered that they both had Carol as their special needs pre-school teacher. I knew and I told her that our Boys made this happen, they put us together. I can't even put it in words.
At the zoo we went separate ways and when I got back on the bus I plopped in the seat with her and sticking out of her pocket book is a Giraffe that she bought at the zoo. If I wasn't sure before which I was, I was sure now that Alec without a doubt was letting me know that he was with us on this field trip.
I was really glad I went and got to do this with Cassidy, I miss being able to be there for her like this and really being present with her.
Cassidy preferred for Keith to go, but he didn't have a Cori form on file so he couldn't. Then she really wanted me to go, I told her only if she would sit with me on the bus so I wouldn't have to talk to a Mom I didn't know. She said no, but since I really did want to go and she actually wanted me to go I decided to.
Before we leave the school I meet a Mom who will be on the same bus, we chat, I tell her how last time we went to the Franklin Park Zoo I was scared because we had to go through Roxbury, she says that doesn't bother her because she lived in Dorchester. I told her My Mom lived there too for a bit but it was just off the highway so it wasn't too scary. She said she lived right off the highway too and says the name of the street and it's the same street...crazy I think....what are the chances of that.
We get on the bus and I liked her so I said want to sit together--- she seems safe enough, she says sure. Once everyone was on the bus, the seat behind us was empty and I started to feel anxious that she was going to ask the dreaded questions so I hopped in the empty seat behind her. After 45 min. I'm bored and getting sad thinking about Alec wondering if he was with me on this field trip, when the Mom in front of me asks me a question and explains why and tells me that her son passed away, I could not believe what I heard and I just said me too. She said she was so sorry and I told her I was so sorry too. We could not believe that here we were in this parent's worst nightmare together. I jumped back into her seat with her and I told her that I was sorry that I moved seats but I was afraid she would ask about my kids. Of course she understood. There is usually a bond that is instant for us Mom's because we are the only ones who truly understand a broken heart like this. We both felt that this was no coincidence that we met and were sitting here together. As we talked about our Boys, we discovered that they both had Carol as their special needs pre-school teacher. I knew and I told her that our Boys made this happen, they put us together. I can't even put it in words.
At the zoo we went separate ways and when I got back on the bus I plopped in the seat with her and sticking out of her pocket book is a Giraffe that she bought at the zoo. If I wasn't sure before which I was, I was sure now that Alec without a doubt was letting me know that he was with us on this field trip.
I was really glad I went and got to do this with Cassidy, I miss being able to be there for her like this and really being present with her.
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