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"I have something to make you happy"

9/25/2012

7 Comments

 
These have been some hard days. And I have been consumed by how much I hurt. Not being able to see or deal with how much Keith and Cassidy hurt too.  I know Keith and Cassidy hurt and miss Alec the same as me, but somehow they still go on and live life.  I asked them how they do it,  and Keith answered without hesitation, he said,  "because Alec did not have an easy life, he had to go through so many things that were painful and awful,  he had to go get a needle every week,  chemo, and so much more, yet despite all this, he loved life , he made the best he could out of every day, he found joy everywhere and in everything. He cared about everyone and everything.  He hated getting a needle and did not want to do it, but he did do it. And while he hated that part, he found joy and happiness on his visits to the clinic -- he made the best of it-- everyday".   
I know this and I do remind myself of all Alec endured and think how dare I complain about living when he did not ever complain.  I say to myself how dare I ask Alec to have the will to live when I do not.
I share with you all to love and live like Alec and I can not .  It  is so hard to do,  Alec  made it look so easy.  But I am very aware of how selfish I have been ,  thinking that I hurt the most and finding every reason not to live life.  I have  read every book on people's true stories of loss and how they came to live life again -- trying to see how they did it and hoping I could do what they did.  And I didn't need to read any one else's story,  I only need to learn from my greatest teacher Alec, how to live life despite the worst of circumstances.  I don't know why I needed Keith to remind me of this, but I did.  Keith also said that, he feels the same feelings I do and when he gets so sad and overcome with his sadness, he gets a sign from Al, and he know Al is saying , I'm right here and I have something that will make you happy.
Whenever any one of was upset about something, Alec would come right over to us and say,
"I have something that will make you happy" ,
and he would wrap his arms around our necks and give us the sweetest hug and sweetest kiss. And it always made us happy, he always took us out of whatever it was that we didn't need to be upset about and took us into his world where there was only love and happiness.  It was like pure magic.
I was told by someone about a year ago, (I'm not sure if she would want me to share who), but this person was having a very difficult time-- being diagnosed with cancer, and she told me that what helped her to face it and everything that comes with it was Alec. She said if Alec could go through it and be as happy as he was, then she could too.
So I am going to do my best to live and love like Al.

7 Comments
Nicole
9/25/2012 12:48:30 am

Laura, As i read this blog, i have so many emotions running through me right now. The tears are flowing, the heavy heart i feel for all of you.... but I also feel so much love. everything you said about Alec, I have talked about him so many times(im sure alot of us have)about his strength , his fight, his obstacles that were in his way, but mostly his love.. for his parents ,his sister,his family, his caretakers, and anyone else(including me) who was chosen to be part of his life. He always smiled through his challenges, and his dad couldnt have said it any better....he loved life. Laura, I as your friend, have NEVER thought of you being selfish, NEVER. You are the the complete opposite. Strength will come from Alec and his love will gently guide you to everything he is . Love to ALL of you.

Reply
Andrea
9/25/2012 02:24:26 am

Laura, I am reading the thoughts of one of the strongest people i know.( Where do you think Alec gets his strength from). Doing this blog and sharing your thoughts with us about your loss and love for Alec takes more strength then you realize. He is so proud of his mama. He knows what you are enduring, and he is helping you all the way. Alec love and signs will see you through this. xoxoxo

Reply
Scott
9/25/2012 04:22:38 am

Laura, you, Keith & cas r very strong people and that's were al got his strength threw all he went threw, he made all of us feel special & loved, and we ALL know he is still doing his job watching out 4 his family everyday regardless what kind of a day we r having, I have no DOUGHT in my mind that my godson was with me July 22 - present watching out 4 me & protecting me, I know if he wasn't there I probably wouldn't be writing this right know, just remember he is there everyday 4 you. Love you!!!!

Reply
Holly
9/25/2012 05:16:12 am

Laura,

You, Keith & Cassidy are three of the strongest people I have ever known. Your strength, your love, and your selflessness shines through in all that you do. Al drew his strength from the three of you and now it's our turn to draw strength from him...through his many signs, the wonderful memories he gave us, and his beautiful smile and laughter that will stay with us always.

We love you, and anything at all that we can do for you to help you when you're struggling is yours for the asking. You're in our hearts and thoughts every single day, just like Alec is.

Love you,
Holly

Reply
Peggy
9/25/2012 07:40:53 am

Laura, you don't know me but I know a great deal about you, Keith, Cassidy and your loving angel Alec. I am a good friend of Holly's. As I read your letter above, I realized how truly selfish I have been many times. Alec has touched me in a way that I have never known before. I complain about the unimportant stuff and the real stuff that I am learning from your Amaxing Alec is that love and happiness can get us through our difficult moments. I admire the strength of you and your family and I hope you don't mind my saying that with you and your family sharing stories of Amazing Alec has become so very inspirational to me. Thank you for having the strengh to share.

Reply
Leslie
9/28/2012 03:56:46 am

Hi Laura:

I am learning so much from this blog, please keep on writing it, you are all teaching me to want to be a better person every time I read.

Love,

L

Reply
Karla
10/7/2012 03:43:56 pm

Laura,
Everybody handles grief in their own way,I think that you are doing amazingly well and I have seen a lot of moving forward in your process. Don't be so hard on yourself. You will always have Al close to you and the love of your friends and family.

Reply



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