These have been some hard days. And I have been consumed by how much I hurt. Not being able to see or deal with how much Keith and Cassidy hurt too. I know Keith and Cassidy hurt and miss Alec the same as me, but somehow they still go on and live life. I asked them how they do it, and Keith answered without hesitation, he said, "because Alec did not have an easy life, he had to go through so many things that were painful and awful, he had to go get a needle every week, chemo, and so much more, yet despite all this, he loved life , he made the best he could out of every day, he found joy everywhere and in everything. He cared about everyone and everything. He hated getting a needle and did not want to do it, but he did do it. And while he hated that part, he found joy and happiness on his visits to the clinic -- he made the best of it-- everyday".
I know this and I do remind myself of all Alec endured and think how dare I complain about living when he did not ever complain. I say to myself how dare I ask Alec to have the will to live when I do not.
I share with you all to love and live like Alec and I can not . It is so hard to do, Alec made it look so easy. But I am very aware of how selfish I have been , thinking that I hurt the most and finding every reason not to live life. I have read every book on people's true stories of loss and how they came to live life again -- trying to see how they did it and hoping I could do what they did. And I didn't need to read any one else's story, I only need to learn from my greatest teacher Alec, how to live life despite the worst of circumstances. I don't know why I needed Keith to remind me of this, but I did. Keith also said that, he feels the same feelings I do and when he gets so sad and overcome with his sadness, he gets a sign from Al, and he know Al is saying , I'm right here and I have something that will make you happy.
Whenever any one of was upset about something, Alec would come right over to us and say,
"I have something that will make you happy" ,
and he would wrap his arms around our necks and give us the sweetest hug and sweetest kiss. And it always made us happy, he always took us out of whatever it was that we didn't need to be upset about and took us into his world where there was only love and happiness. It was like pure magic.
I was told by someone about a year ago, (I'm not sure if she would want me to share who), but this person was having a very difficult time-- being diagnosed with cancer, and she told me that what helped her to face it and everything that comes with it was Alec. She said if Alec could go through it and be as happy as he was, then she could too.
So I am going to do my best to live and love like Al.
I know this and I do remind myself of all Alec endured and think how dare I complain about living when he did not ever complain. I say to myself how dare I ask Alec to have the will to live when I do not.
I share with you all to love and live like Alec and I can not . It is so hard to do, Alec made it look so easy. But I am very aware of how selfish I have been , thinking that I hurt the most and finding every reason not to live life. I have read every book on people's true stories of loss and how they came to live life again -- trying to see how they did it and hoping I could do what they did. And I didn't need to read any one else's story, I only need to learn from my greatest teacher Alec, how to live life despite the worst of circumstances. I don't know why I needed Keith to remind me of this, but I did. Keith also said that, he feels the same feelings I do and when he gets so sad and overcome with his sadness, he gets a sign from Al, and he know Al is saying , I'm right here and I have something that will make you happy.
Whenever any one of was upset about something, Alec would come right over to us and say,
"I have something that will make you happy" ,
and he would wrap his arms around our necks and give us the sweetest hug and sweetest kiss. And it always made us happy, he always took us out of whatever it was that we didn't need to be upset about and took us into his world where there was only love and happiness. It was like pure magic.
I was told by someone about a year ago, (I'm not sure if she would want me to share who), but this person was having a very difficult time-- being diagnosed with cancer, and she told me that what helped her to face it and everything that comes with it was Alec. She said if Alec could go through it and be as happy as he was, then she could too.
So I am going to do my best to live and love like Al.
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