I have not been able to walk or jog in my neighborhood. It's just too hard to even think about walking with out Alec, we all did family walks together, but alot of the time, Keith and Cass didn't want to go, to which me and Al called them the boring ones and left them home. We loved our special time together.
I did walk once or twice with John and Cassidy and his dogs Fable and Roo because John was so sweet to let Cassidy walk the dogs with him. I tried to get Cass to go with out me but she needed me to go. I felt safe with John since he understood and he is just so nice and we ended up at his house and we got to sit and talk with his sweet wife Barbara.
I did try to go for a jog one day about a month ago and got all ready and put my hand on the door to open it and just broke down and couldn't do it, so I forced myself to clean instead.
And today, I just really wanted to go for a jog and not at the track. I talked about it and told keith I wanted to but was so afraid of my emotions and then talked myself out of it. About 20 minutes later, I mapped out in my head which way I would go and I got my workout clothes on and my ipod and I actually left. I had to jog right away because I knew I would think too much if I walked. My goal was just 10 minutes, not knowing how I would feel. Pink and Taylor Swift 's music got me through. I also kept reminding myself that I used to jog sometimes by myself when Cass and Al were in school or at night. On my way back, I passed a spot where Cassidy would place Alec's Singing Snowman. We played a game with Al and Cass would run ahead of us and put Snowman somewhere that Al could see, and we would say to Alec ,Look Snowman is here how did he do that! Al would smile and laugh and loved seeing where else he would turn up. Cass would sneak back and get him and put him somewhere else. So as I passed this one spot, I could see Snowman sitting there, the memories and moments come rushing back, but I got through them and it wasn't til I got home and Keith asked how it was for me that I teared up as i told him about Snowman which then turned into us smiling and chuckling at how Alec loved this game.
And a heart shape rock was in my path so I picked it up -- a little Love from Al. I probably only did a mile but it felt good to exercise and I got through it, hopefully I can get myself to do it again.
And of course as I just finished typing this, "JOHN" walked by with Fable and Roo! We can always hear him walking by because the dogs leash jingles.
I did walk once or twice with John and Cassidy and his dogs Fable and Roo because John was so sweet to let Cassidy walk the dogs with him. I tried to get Cass to go with out me but she needed me to go. I felt safe with John since he understood and he is just so nice and we ended up at his house and we got to sit and talk with his sweet wife Barbara.
I did try to go for a jog one day about a month ago and got all ready and put my hand on the door to open it and just broke down and couldn't do it, so I forced myself to clean instead.
And today, I just really wanted to go for a jog and not at the track. I talked about it and told keith I wanted to but was so afraid of my emotions and then talked myself out of it. About 20 minutes later, I mapped out in my head which way I would go and I got my workout clothes on and my ipod and I actually left. I had to jog right away because I knew I would think too much if I walked. My goal was just 10 minutes, not knowing how I would feel. Pink and Taylor Swift 's music got me through. I also kept reminding myself that I used to jog sometimes by myself when Cass and Al were in school or at night. On my way back, I passed a spot where Cassidy would place Alec's Singing Snowman. We played a game with Al and Cass would run ahead of us and put Snowman somewhere that Al could see, and we would say to Alec ,Look Snowman is here how did he do that! Al would smile and laugh and loved seeing where else he would turn up. Cass would sneak back and get him and put him somewhere else. So as I passed this one spot, I could see Snowman sitting there, the memories and moments come rushing back, but I got through them and it wasn't til I got home and Keith asked how it was for me that I teared up as i told him about Snowman which then turned into us smiling and chuckling at how Alec loved this game.
And a heart shape rock was in my path so I picked it up -- a little Love from Al. I probably only did a mile but it felt good to exercise and I got through it, hopefully I can get myself to do it again.
And of course as I just finished typing this, "JOHN" walked by with Fable and Roo! We can always hear him walking by because the dogs leash jingles.
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