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The Will To Live

5/17/2012

2 Comments

 
I think of this day and remember 9 years ago ( May 17, 2003).  Alec  was clinging to life, I was begging and pleading to him and praying with all of my heart, soul and everything in me for him to fight, to stay strong and courageous and to have the will to live.  As Keith was too. Alec  was fighting so hard. I told him over and over how much we needed him, how much I needed him, how he completed us as a family, how he completed me, how much we loved him. I prayed nonstop only leaving his side to go to the bathroom , but he was never left alone. I told God that I would not believe in him if he didn't heal Alec.   I had finally found God a few weeks before after Alec was diagnosed, in the hospital, my Aunt Eileen had given me her little book of bible verses and it finally made sense to me, I felt God, I knew how to pray and believed my prayers would be answered, they had to be. I (we) were waiting for Alec's miracle, for our miracle, I believed , despite what we were told.  We were going to a Healing Service the next day and Alec's sweet home nurse told Keith we should go , but the healing would be for me and Keith.  I would not talk to her, I would not hear any of this. She would come in our room and scoop Alec up and hug him and kiss him and just love him, that part I could be a part of.  Painfully, Keith was left to hear her words, her thoughts, only because he had to.  We believed in Alec, in God and answered prayers. I believed in Alec.
2 Comments
Denise
5/17/2012 05:52:30 am

Laura,
I know the time you were writing about and these times now are such a painful, personal time for you, Keith and Cass. As angry as I suspect you are at God, don't give up believing that he has a plan for you now. Losing Alec feels like God stopped listening but I really don't think he has. God blessed us all with the gift of Alec (although for not as long as we would have all loved) but the time Alec was with us was truly a miracle. We know Alec was loving and strong and you can't forget that he got that from someone. That someone was you and Keith. You still have so much love to give and you are so brave and strong... this blog is evidence of that.
Love you more
Denise

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Andrea
5/17/2012 12:55:02 pm

This website is the most beautiful, courageous, loving thing I have ever read. I am happy that Alec was given to the most caring, compassionate and loving family I have ever met. Not only was your family lucky to have Alec, but Alec was lucky to have the most loving parents and sweet sister anyone could ask for. You know what love, faith and compassion are all about. Alec is looking down and is so proud that you are continuing his love of life and memories for all the people who were a part of your lives and his. You have always had faith, don't let go of it now. It is your faith that will get you through. And it is your faith and your love for Alec that is helping you everyday. I too miss seeing you and Alec at church on Sundays moving around from different seats to different seats, because Alec didn't want to sit there. Or asking me where baby Nicowas was? ( the memory on him) Or the time he came over and fell in love with the Morraca toy and he wanted to take it home and you told him no, but i snuck it to him in the car anyways. It was the simple things that made him happy.Those are the things that are so special about you angel. They are always blessings never a loss.

Love
Andrea

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